Taking a walk down memory lane… Blog style

Yeah…

So, here I sit, up to my elbows in alligators (someone kindly remind me to look up the meaning/origin of that charming saying) and I’m trying to keep my promise to myself. That one where I said I would keep my blog all fresh and sparkly clean, full of cool updated posts by Yours Truly.

And then life got in the way.

Between packing my house, working out the final details of custody stuff, planning a move, working on training the new hire coming in to take over some aspects of my job, training the existing employees who are taking over the other aspects of my job, the job hunt for a new job (in a new city, where I’ve never lived before), and all that goes along with those things, my blog has fallen into disrepair. Or is it dishabille? Or… Oh, never mind.

In the interest of keeping things fun, and because I dealt with a charming gent on the phone who, after receiving my resume, apparently did some world-class digging and found my little hole in the Web (yipe), I am posting links to some of my older posts.

Why? Well, some of them are those “most popular” things, though I’ve no clue why. Others are just ones I like for some reason or another. And no, I’m not telling which is which!

Want proof that bigger isn’t always better? Go here.

How about a nostalgic look at color and those crayons we all loved? Click here.

A funny story about a family on a camp out and some rather pesky wind? Try this.

And finally, that question women should never ask, “Do these jeans make my butt look fat?” 

Twelve Months of Mayhem?

Or is it Twelve Months of Personality Disorders?

That evil wench with a whip is at it again. Once again she passed me a communicable disease… And what’s worse, she already tagged some of the very same people I would normally tag. The rat.

Anyway, here are the instructions:

1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months.
3. Pick your month of birth.
4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.
6. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!

And so, into the fray, and since it was so funny reading those additional personal comments, I’ll continue the trend.

JULY:
Fun to be with. (Well of course I am.)
Secretive. (I was never good at sharing.)
Difficult to fathom and to be understood. (Yeah, just ask my ex!)
Quiet unless excited or tensed. (Oh have you got the WRONG girl!)
Takes pride in oneself. (Which explains the perfect nails, the perfect hair and the incredibly messy purse.)
Has reputation. (What did you hear? And shouldn’t that read, “Has a reputation”? But it does explain a lot…)
Easily consoled. (Yeah, right…)
Honest. (But I always say it so nicely!)
Concerned about people’s feelings. (Well of course I am! Which is why I always say it so nicely.)
Tactful. (I have been accused of that on occasion…)
Friendly. Approachable. (And this is supposed to be a good thing?)
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. (Wait, I thought I was “friendly and approachable”?)
Moody and easily hurt. (But it’s easy to console me!)
Witty and sparkly. (Oh, yeah. I just dazzle with my wit and sparkle.)
Not revengeful. (Oh really?)
Forgiving but never forgets. (errrmmm… what?)
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. (Which oh so explains my love of commedia dell’arte and the various strange things around my house… yeah.)
Guides others physically and mentally. (So, now I’m a what? Teacher or mentor? OH puh-lease!)
Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. (Bwahahaha!)
Caring and loving. (Yeah, so I’m a mush. What of it?)
Treats others equally. (Yeah? Shouldn’t everyone?)
Strong sense of sympathy. (Again, I’m just a big mush.)
Wary and sharp. (But I’m sensitive, and caring, and loving, and…)
Judges people through observations. (Well, actions speak louder than words, right?)
Hardworking. (More like hardly working.)
No difficulties in studying. (I don’t study. I just sort of absorb.)
Loves to be alone. (HA! Oh really???)
Always broods about the past and the old friends. (Given the choice - I’d like to forget the past, thanks.)
Likes to be quiet. (Excuse me? Are you sure you’re talking about me?)
Homely person. (And which definition of this word, exactly, does this mean?)
Waits for friends. (Huh?)
Never looks for friends. (Again, huh?)
Not aggressive unless provoked. (Oh but just provoke me and look out!)
Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. (No problems at all. I eat too much, I weigh too much. That’s simple, not a problem.)
Loves to be loved. (errrm… Who doesn’t? Oh, wait. I meant – break out the Righteous Brothers - I neeeeeeeeeed your love!)
Easily hurt but takes long to recover. (But wait, I thought I was “easily consoled”? Now I’m confused!)

As for tagging others - in the spirit of the holidays, I’ll be nice and tag only two (I can think of a lot of folks I’d love to see do this, but I don’t know them well enough to pass on this kind of disease!):

That Southern Gal and Terri

But - I will invite anyone who just loves this little thing to do it for themselves, put a comment here that you did it, and link to your own page. Then share the love, baby! Share the love!

THE MONTHLY FLAVORS, WHICH ARE YOU?

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree - you’re such a pain in the butt to me!

Most of my decorating is done the weekend following Thanksgiving - but the tree, oh that little marvel of evergreen loveliness, it waits.

It waits because I don’t do a fake tree, but I still deal with the big tub of water, the pine needles and the inevitable stains on my light beige carpeting (what idiot decided light beige carpeting was a wise choice? Probably the same idiot who thinks kitchen counter tile with wide grout lines is attractive. Grrr. But I digress.)

And so, the annual trek to find The Magic Tree.

Last year had The BF bah-humbugging his way through countless tree lots, refusing several trees - ones I found perfectly acceptable - only to finally settle his grumbly, Scrooge butt on a 10′ monster tree - tall and skinny (because our living room is TALL, but narrow). So much for Scrooge. Bah humbug my fanny, okay?

It did look terrific, though I did not have anywhere near enough lights for such a huge thing. (Love those dark spots! It didn’t help that I had to restring the lights thanks to the dog knocking it over…) In fact, somebody remind me to take pictures immediately after decorating this year. Last year, I waited - and the pictures of the crooked, bedraggled and slightly askew tree prove it.

This year, we plan on getting something smaller since we’re leaving town on the 21st and not returning till late Christmas day. Why buy a huge tree. Why buy a tree at all? Because I want one, dammit!

Now, keep in mind, I have a 1 1/2 story ceiling in my living room - which means, a short tree looks silly.

Also keep in mind, I have Daisy The Christmas Tree Ball Munching Boxer From Hell, whose presence mandates I keep the lower three feet of tree fairly naked.

Which means - if I put up a 6′ tree - I’m only going to really have 3′ of decorated tree. This does not please me. It does not please me at all.

So, my genus little brain thought - well, why not simply put the smaller tree up on a sturdy table? That way, the smaller tree looks bigger and Daisy TCTBMBFH doesn’t eat the lower three feet.

I’m either an evil genius, or incredibly stupid (since I can imagine all sorts of bad things happening to a smaller tree up on a table… Yipe!)

For now, I’m rearranging furniture and  figuring on going tree shopping this weekend.

In the rain.

Photos to follow… stay tuned…

Things that make you go hmmm…. Searching is fun!

I’ve done some pretty strange Google searches in my day… Heck, I even recall back in the days of yore, before I knew better, using things like Ask Jeeves (when it still had that annoying butler type guy on it) and the aptly named DogPile (though I’m still known to hit that one up sometimes…)

And I’ve had some pretty surprising results – “huh, why am I getting porno results when I’m looking for a recipe for Oatmeal-Raisin Cookies?”

But, none of my strange web surfing has given me near as much pleasure – and confusion – as reading the list of searches that pointed people to my little space of the blogosphere.

Terms like the already mentioned: She stomped his testicles. Yeah. Okay…

Other recent ones of note?

How about – clown figurine Christmas tree? OK, that was pretty tame. But I can imagine someone was sorely disappointed to learn I do not do clown figurines on my tree. In fact, I think clowns are kinda creepy. OK, so I do have a collection of masks in my guest bathroom. They’re not creepy. Unless you’re a guy. Standing. Trying to do your business whilst being watched by the Comedy/Tragedy guys. Maybe then it’s creepy, or scary…

OK, what about the “how do I get my butt bigger” search? I want to hunt that person down and slap them. Just because. There are people who want bigger butts? Really? OH, alright, I admit, The BF is seriously lacking in the butt department. The man has no butt. Period. Again, somebody was sorely disappointed to learn that I do not give tips for enlarging one’s butt.

Sexy gun chick pictures – ooooo, now I like that search. But I’m quite sure that my odd little collection of images are not quite what the searcher had in mind. In fact, I’d put money on that one. Here’s one very lovely fellow gun chick, Susan Sledge:

Last, but certainly not least, the one that has me truly wondering what this person was searching for: Christmas penis balls+ribbons. Uhhhmmm…. Yeah. Well. Perhaps looking for neat little gift ideas for tying up the “family jewels” and presenting them as a Yule-time treat? Or, maybe an adult gag gift? Or some very interesting tree décor? I’ve debated putting those words in to see what would come up – I just have to remember to do it at home, rather than at work. There are some things I simply don’t want to have on my work computer. Nope.

PS - I feel the need to point out (thanks to a wonderful old friend who reminded me) - I have a long history of hanging strange stuff in my bathroom. At one point, I had a B&W bathroom - the art over the commode was a photo of some zebra. For some reason, my guy friends all elected to sit (thus leaving the seat in the Roxy-Approved “down” position). I can’t imagine why?

Though it was not this picture - by Chris Johns, and found at National Geographic (and I’m so getting this for my wallpaper) - it’s the same expression. Dang, wish I still had that picture!

Me-n-PhotoShop - Part II

Yep, it’s addicting.

Actually, it’s that I’m finally going through all my digital pictures, trying to figure out which ones are decent enough to print, and thinking, “Hey, may as well ‘Shop ‘em a little first, right?”

Besides, it’s fun.

The time - a few years ago

The place - Montana De Oro State Park (GO there!)

The details - The Boy, caught unawares while sitting on the rocks of a little inlet. Mom thinks, “cool shot!” and takes the picture.

The result - an OK shot, but a little washed out thanks to the overcast skies and my lackluster photographic skills. Just, ho-hum.

The “fixes” - Option 1 selected the subject, color corrected and increased saturation, then the same (at different levels) for the background. The background also got a dose of increasing contrast. This one is actually very close to what it looked like “in real life”.

“Fix” 2 - The same adjustments to subject, but the background was desaturated in order to bring more focus on the subject. Much closer to the original image, but a little bit more “pop”.

Finally, just for fun - using PS’s Watercolor filter and a high level of detail - just to get a different look.

I’m no major artist, or great photographer, but when a few relatively simple tweaks can produce such great results - heck, why settle for dull snapshots ever again?