Finding Inspiration…

I’ve been reading a fabulous blog written by a woman whom I will come right out and say makes me envious! She’s a beautiful lady, married to an incredibly sexy looking man (and obviously deeply in love), and they’ve produced a quartet of incredibly cute children. Okay, so what, right? Well, she can also cook, takes incredible pictures and writes with such a charming style it all just makes me envious, okay? Hell, I’m purely green at the moment.

In my little online ventures, I’ve run into a few women who inspire me in some way. Just pick any of the ladies over at MFFO, and take a look at HeadMutha, and I dare you to say you’re not inspired. And the group at MM, headed up by Courtney, is enough to restore anyone’s faith in womankind.

Anyway, that lady I mentioned up there? She’s been blogging the “how we met and married” story and it’s practically romance-novel material. Hell, I take that back, it IS romance-novel material! Since discovering her blog, I’ve been swept away in the romance of it all, and I am not a fan on that genre.

Any woman who reads this stuff is likely to have to start fanning herself to cool off, and it’s not explicit, it’s just… well, steamy. It’s also funny. And cute. And silly. And sweet. And… yeah.

Meanwhile, it also makes my little writer-type brain start twisting and turning and thinking, “wow! I’d love to be able to write a ‘how we met’ type story!” There’s only one problem, no amount of license, creative, editorial, artistic or otherwise, could put such a sweet-romantic spin on my own story! (Errmmm… someday, I’ll write it up and you’ll understand…)

But, I can and will, enjoy her story.

And I can and will take inspiration where I find it – as I see yet another woman online who makes me sit up and take notice, and this one also makes me dust off my cookbook project (long lying dormant under the pressures of life), pick up my camera for something other than work and recall the intricacies of f-stops and shutter speeds (which I was never very good at to begin with) and perhaps best of all, to enjoy writing…

Not every writing effort has to turn out a socially motivating post, or bring focus to a major world crisis. Sometimes, it’s just about life, and I love that even the every day can be so very beautiful!

Do these jeans make my butt look fat?

No, honey, your butt is just fat, it’s not the jeans, trust me!

No woman in her right mind should ever ask her man that question. And no man who values his masculinity would ever give that answer.

I never ask, and my honey never answers. I know I need to lose a few – read here – however, I also know that clothes can and do make the woman.

I spend a lot of time in jeans, and I really have this thing against “Mom Jeans” – those usually comfortable but terribly unflattering and downright matronly looking things that can transform even a svelte, sexy young thing into a decidedly dowdy “Mom” with the swish of a zipper. Since I already bear distinct resemblance to the quintessential suburban housewife (though I do not, and will never, sport the “Soccer Mom” ‘do!) I figure I do not need any additional help via denim.

Thus my quest for the “perfect pair of jeans” – in my world “perfect” means they are snug enough to look “tight, but either stretchy enough, or loose enough that I can still move and breathe in them, they also must not come up over my belly button, be reasonably “cool” looking, not give me the dreaded muffin top, boot cut, long enough to wear with heels (what, you thought I meant cowboy boots? C’mon! Who are you talking about here?) They must also be comfortable.

Oh, and perhaps most importantly, not make my ass look any bigger than it actually is.

And every female reading this has just fallen out of her chair, laughing her head off and gasping, between guffaws of uncontrolled hysterics, “She’s got to be kidding, right? Such jeans just do not exist in this universe!”

Well, yes, they do, and I found them.

I tend to buy ONE pair of a particular type of jeans – trying them out in real life, not just in the fitting room, until I am convinced they are worthy of wearing. Then, when I finally decide they are straight from heaven, I go to buy several pairs, usually finding they have since been discontinued, or worse, “improved” in some way that may be an improvement to somebody but certainly is not to me.

And so, ask me how thrilled I was when the pair of jeans that in the dressing room had seemed just a tad snug (read - I couldn’t breathe) after washing proved to be the epitome of perfection. Now, ask me if I’m going to quickly go buy a few more pair of them before they decide to “improve” these as well.

PS - for the record, yes, that is my butt and no there was not a gun to my head when I decided to put that shot on this blog. It just seemed the best way to illustrate my point - ample rear and all.

PPS - yes, I’ve done a few posts today - it so happens I have the time, finally, to put up some stuff I’ve been working on. It also so happens that I will likely not have the time to do so in the next couple of days. Though, I’ve got a major rant coming up about a certain household behavior!

Who gave me all of this crap?

Have you ever wondered about those gifts from the song “The 12 Days of Christmas”?

And since the lines repeat, does that mean that on Day 1, the lover gave a Partridge in a Pear Tree, and on Day 2, gave Two Turtle Doves and yet another Partridge in a Pear Tree, etc, etc, ad infinitum on down the line?

And I know I’ve seen some humorous thing regarding this - about getting sick of all the birds, the extra people around the house, the noise, the mess, etc. And filing a restraining order.

But, since I am not the type to leave well enough alone - I simply had to take my own twisted look at that lovely song. Most of us have probably heard or read some version of that parody/humor/whatever piece, and I decided it was time to look not at the gifts themselves, but at the aftermath of the gifts. Assuming that the gifts do, indeed repeat, here is my own take of “After the 12 Days of Christmas”. And so without further ado, here it is, my look at the sheer numbers represented.

The basic math:

The gift from Day one was received 12 times, and the gift from Day 12 was received only one time. So, the formula:

Number of times the gift was received X the number of items listed as the gift = Total items.

1 x 12 = 12 Drummers Drumming

2 x 11 = 22 Pipers Piping

3 x 10 = 30 Lords a-leaping

4 x 9 = 36 Ladies Dancing

5 x 8 = 40 Maids a-Milking

6 x 7 = 42 Swans a-Swimming

7 x 6 = 42 Geese a-Laying

8 x 5 = 40 Golden Rings

9 x 4 = 36 Calling Birds

10 x 3 = 30 French Hens

11 x 2 = 22 Turtle Doves

12 x 1 = 12 Partridges in Pear Trees

 

And the counts:

140 people (12+22+30+36+40)

184 Birds (42+42+36+30+22+12)

40 Golden Rings (40)

40 Cows or Goats (40 Maids a-Milking have to be milking something)

294 Goose Eggs (42 Geese a-Laying are laying at least one egg each per day for 7 days of the song - this number would obviously increase over time - unless you cook the geese, always a smart option.)

Unknown quantity of Pears (after all, 12 pear trees have to be producing SOME amount of fruit - but I am not familiar with how much a single pear tree would produce in a given amount of time.)

Unknown quantities of milk (those cows or goats being milked by the maids are producing some sort of product, right?)

This is of course not taking into account the 22 pipes being played, 12 drums being drummed, the lake, pond or tub for all those swimming swans and all of the cages or pens for the various bird life, not to mention the activity of the leaping lords and dancing ladies.

It is also not taking into account the amorous activities of any of the various bird life, and their potential offspring. Though we know there won’t be any geese or cows/goats, since they’re all girls (Since male geese do not lay eggs, last time I checked.) That still leaves the potential swans, calling birds, French hens, turtle doves and perhaps partridges. Please note, I said nothing of the critters being milked, since once again, they must all be of the female variety.

Oh yes, I’ve overlooked one gift item. The 40 golden rings, which had better be very large and weighty indeed in order to offset the cost of dealing with all the other junk.

So, what does one do with such an abundance of wealth?

You could argue that you could cook the birds to feed the people, though with 184 birds and 140 people, this would not work for long. You could cook the cows or goats, but again - that will only last for so long (and since, like the geese, they are not reproducing, they are not a renewable resource.)

The smart recipient would therefore:

~Promptly dismiss all of the people from service - ridding themselves of the need to support 140 hungry mouths, only 40 of which are really employed in any productive activity (I realize that piping and drumming are jobs, but…)

~Sell all but two of the cows or goats, keeping one to be butchered and one to be milked. (OK, you might retain one of those Maids a-Milking for this purpose.)

~Prepare and freeze about half of the edible poultry, if you like goose eggs, keep a couple for laying, and sell the remaining poultry.

~Plant a pear tree or two and sell the rest.

~Keep the gold rings you like and sell the remainder

Did I forget anything?

Powered by Qumana

Geography makes all the difference!

On my visit to Duluth, coffee addict that I am, I discovered a coffee shop that was both incredibly cool and - for me at least - chuckle inducing.

You see, I live in Southern California, where the name of this place would be likely to incite riots.

Beaner’s Central is a cool little coffee house and small live venue for some pretty terrific music. The place has a really cool vibe and some equally great coffee. I had to buy one of their hand thrown clay mugs just to prove to my fellow Californians that such a place did exist. The place proudly proclaims that they compost and recycle everything possible.

Now, why can’t I find a great place like this locally? The closest I’ve come around here is Cosmos Coffee in La Mesa - and I do love Cosmos - great coffee, food’s pretty decent and the people watching outside is terrific, but… it’s just not quite the same as Beaner’s. Which, I have to say, is a pretty cute and clever name for a coffee shop, despite the fact that the name simply would not fly in the southwest.

Ah, what a difference geography makes!

Duluth will never be the same….

Anyone who knows, and I mean really knows, any of my immediate family (including Yours Truly here) and especially anyone who has ever seen us all together, knows that we’re a rather, ah… interesting group of people. Add to that equation a bit of alcohol and you might be in for a rollicking good time, or the most frightening time of your life, all depending upon your outlook.

As all of us gathered in the relatively quiet city of Duluth for Mom’s services, it occurred to me - that town will never be the same!

Funeral directors didn’t quite know how to handle a small and not so quiet bunch who, eyes red-rimmed from crying, spoke of a life of laughter and love - and they laughed together, celebrating a much as mourning. Nor did they know what to do about that same small bunch who, after all the others had left, started making funeral jokes. It’s just the way we deal with things. Hey, Mom taught us that laughter is as necessary as air!

The weather was wonderful - cold to us native Southern Californians, but still nice. The days were more clear than cloudy and there was no rain or snow. The people were nice - unerringly polite. But once again, within 24 hours, I had enough of that Northern accent to last me a lifetime. Ohhh, okay. Ya, sure, you betcha.

And so with that, a small collection of photos - our little family’s farewell to Mom!

That would be her… in that pic she’s still a teenager… And the roses? When she and Tom married, she had peach roses in her bouquet.

Yeah, those are my sisters… And if you really must know about the loverly shot on the anchor - ask, but I warn you, it’s a long story.

Mom’s hubby and my brother (yes, that young thing on the left is Mom’s hubby - yes, she “robbed the cradle.”)

We gave Mom a proper send off - getting not-so-quietly toasted after the services, and traipsing out into the Minnesota night to wave some sparklers around (she liked the silly things, OK?)

A little sight seeing in Two Harbors…

A great view of the St Louis River - from some rest area off the 35 (and ask me if I can recall the name of the darn rest area?)

Close to sunset - looking back from the lighthouse in Duluth. That’s the lift bridge. The terrific color comes not from PhotoShop, but from taking the picture through my sunglass lenses.